Never ever thought

When I was young I thought growing up would be a exciting journey.

Between the age of 1 to 15 the world used to look very strange . Every movement seems like it was made for something new .

Slowly when I started to understand things little bit , one by one the questions started increasing . From 15-16 age of my life I experienced a lot of new things which was very special things to me that time the life seemed ver compleat , everything was going right in life everything was right. There were few things in life and there were no huge issues . There was no sell phones only the television with cable connection was used to make me aware with outside world.

Finally, entering my current phase of life which is 18-19.

I remember when it was my 18th birthday that day I was watching beerbicep YouTube channel video and that youtuber was telling that 20-25 is age of life where we get to face the real world couse this is phase where are all senses devoloped completely and we analyse the real truth .

But may be that phase of life has come very soon . Still some stuff in life are not clear to me

Some people who used to look good have became quite bad , were they never good ?? I believe in them told them exact condition of my life , but in return they did not give me much other than hurtnes.

Maybe it is my foualt that I trust people too quickly and for making this kind of fake people in life I betrayed my real ones. I made my own person insecure . The person who loved me I just gave him in return a piece of hurtnes . But I never wanted to or never think to do like that but it happened

Sometimes it’s hard to explain myself and how do I understand myself ? I have never been able to manage it.

I always feel like I have done my relationship with a lot of love from my heart . The person in front needs love has getted more than that and I have gave myself to belong from that person and I alway do it from full of my heart .

But whenever things not so go well I don’t understand at all they happen in few seconds and I have not even think properly that what did I done for those things I called very uneasy things which I cannot bear. It seems at that movement the person doesn’t deserve the love that I had given to me . Which is quite bad thinking I know.

All I could understand is the person that I haves looked for doesn’t even exist. In this world couse I am not deserving candidate for kind of that person.

The feritail life which I imagined with my special one can’t be exists couze I am not the cyndrella the Disney Princess. As that my prince doesn’t even exist.